When I was in 8th Grade, a boy once expressed interest in me by having his friend ask me out for him. Cautious that the friend may have only been kidding, I gave him my number and told him to have the boy call me and ask me himself that night if he was serious. The boy did call, and after an hour phone conversation told me that he loved me, to which I gave a simple reply of, "um, thanks I guess." Clearly that wasn't the answer he was looking for because he broke up with me the next day and told me that he couldn't go out with someone that couldn't express her feelings for him. True to form I replied, "I wasn't aware that an hour phone conversation meant I needed to declare my love for you, I'm only in 8th grade after all!" I'm pretty sure there were some tears (his not mine) and we never talked again. Fast forward to present times, and it is middle school deja vue all over again with Turtle.
It all started with wine as I met one of my sorority sisters for dinner one Wednesday in September, and I had the brilliant idea to go shopping for new lingerie to wear to Mr. Michigan's pajama party the following week. Well, $400.00 and a phone call from Ms. Elementary School later, we were on our way to Europa for even more wine. As we stood at the bar, waiting for our bottle, a very drunk gentlemen pointed at me and screamed, "I know you, I'll be right over!" My sorority sister asked how I knew him and I explained that I honestly had no idea. We waited for a bit since while the guy wasn't exactly gorgeous, curiosity was getting the best of me, and then decided to go out to the patio. As I passed the drunk guy he once again commented, "I know you, you're Marilyn Monroe! Look at those lips, can I just get one kiss?" I laughed it off, but kissed him on the cheek as I was afraid he might become belligerent if I declined. As we stood on the patio area, two guys kept checking me and my sorority sister out, when Turtle showed up gave me a quick hug hello and walked up to a table. When Ms. Elementary School arrived, we all caught up on the latest boy dramas in each other's lives and then went to leave when our bottle was finished. The boys from earlier were waiting by the exit, introduced themselves, and offered to walk us to our car. I know, I know, red flags were going off but we really weren't parked that far away and it was well lit. Not long after we arrived at the car, my sorority sister took off behind a car and started making out with her new boy toy from New York. My own Junior Mafia member made the moves on me, and I decided to blame it on the wine and lingerie purchase and go with it. As we were riding back to my car, I text messaged Ms. Elementary School and informed her that I had just made out with a random guy in a parking lot for an hour. She replied, "What? Where? And by the way Turtle saw your message!" She then called me for details and informed me that Turtle had wanted me to come home with him. Clearly I need to bring along a translator fluent in 20 something male when I go out because I wasn't aware that by saying hi and giving me a hug, he actually meant come home with me tonight!
Thursday night, I attended a social for area alumni from Elon with some friends and my sister at Mcoul's. We then went to The Burro to meet Ms. Elementary School and play corn hole. After a game, having a guy buy me a beer, and getting a lot of shit from my friends about how the guys playing stopped dead in their tracks as I walked into the room, my friends left. As I was playing some more corn hole with Ms. Elementary School and her kickball team, Turtle walked in and this time said hi and asked if I had fun in the parking lot. Fast forward to a little later in the night when Ms. Elementary School's boy toy comes up to me and tells me that once again Turtle wants to know if I am coming home with him, to which I reply, "Tell him to ask me himself!" Since I am typically not one to wait around, I gave him an hour and then left as I clearly needed to find a bed if I was going to make it to work the following day.
This brings us to Friday night, where we had decided that we needed a break from all the boy drama and that we were going to have a girls' night. The shots started flowing (my best guess is that I had somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 - 15 that night) and we had a full hour of girls' night before the boys started to infiltrate with text messages. At one point, Ms. Elementary School informs me that her boy toy has texted her asking if I am coming back with her to Turtle's, to which I almost screamed, "Tell him to ask me himself!" Several more shots later, I get a text message asking if I am coming over from a number I didn't recognize, so I ignored it and took another shot. As the bar was closing, I notice that I have a voicemail from what I thought to be Turtle (I later learned the following day that he had a friend call from his phone and ask if I was coming over). As Ms. Elementary School and I are on our way over, she opens her mouth starts to say something, and then says nevermind a few times. I finally tell her out with it and she tells me that I have to promise not to get mad, where my immediate response is, "Oh fuck, I am in trouble!" She assures me that it is nothing like that but that Turtle and his friend are currently trying to figure out who gets to hook up with me when I get there. Since I could have either gotten mad, or taken it as a compliment and be flattered, I decided to keep my happy buzz and be flattered. While the friend was kind of cute, I didn't want to be the slutty girl that gets passed around so I opted for Turtle. Although in retrospect, I may not have had the female case of blue balls the next morning had I opted to go with the friend and may have actually been satisfied as I would have most likely had sex.....
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
"High Times"
I once had a guy compare me to Paris Hilton, not in the sex tape or dumb blond way, but that I generally have a full social calendar. Recently, I apparently felt the need to prove him right in a series of events that only spiraled more out of control as the week progressed.
Wednesday night was the start of my downfall for the week. I had intentions of working late and actually being productive, until the temptation to join some of my girls for half priced wine won out. We then moved to another venue where we met up with more friends and the drinking continued. As we played a game of pool and I managed to sink three balls in a row without so much as them lightly brushing the sides, I knew I had managed to drink more than I realized since I am only decent at pool when I have a buzz or more. We then moved to a table where I proceeded to flirt with Turtle for reasons that are still unknown to me because it's not like I would even remotely get something out of it. As we went to leave, a friend that is more often than not intoxicated sat in the lap of Turtle. I blew it off as her being drunk and just not realizing what she was doing until I heard the story of him driving him home. You see, she started to freak out because the vehicle didn't have doors, windows, or a roof and she felt as though she might fall out because even though she had a seat belt on, she couldn't find anything to hold on to. Apparently some light bulb managed to go off in one of the few brain cells slightly working that night because she proceeded to tell Turtle she knew what she could hold onto and then grabbed his package! Now keep in mind that I have ridden in the same vehicle while I was intoxicated on my way back to his house, and I still didn't feel the need to find my own oh shit stick. Although maybe it was because on some level I knew nothing was going to happen or it could have been the other people in the car, not that other people have ever stopped me before!
Fast forward to Thursday night where I met up with some friends after their kickball practice at the bar from the previous night. We eventually moved to the loft area where there are couches and a big screen. I sat on the couch next to one of the kickball boys and was watching part of the Colts game to see if everyone was right and they were really going to lose. Kickball boy got up and the other two guys who were there started talking to me. One was pretty cute with a pretty good sense of humor, so I kicked up the flirting a bit. I learned that he was 32, went to Appalachian, and shared some of the same interests (I swear I don't know what it is with these App boys). As he was leaving he asked for my number, and I felt certain that he would call. Apparently I couldn't have been more wrong because here it is over a week later and still no call, and since I read the book I know he must just not be into me.
Friday night I had every intention of staying in since PTA was supposed to call me when his poker game was over. Then I received a text message from a friend saying that they were at the normal Friday spot, and I figured why should I wait around for him when I could be out having fun. I also think secretly on some level I wanted him to call while I was out where I could slightly blow him off. As luck would have it, we left the bar around 1:00 and still no call. The call finally came around 3:00 while I was sound asleep and barely conscious, so my plan for trying to be socially fabulous when he called went right out the window!
The final night of mayhem happened on Saturday when I went out with some of my sorority sisters to see an amazing local cover band that I absolutely love! The intoxicated friend from Wednesday also met us, and surprise, surprise she was once again drunk and managed to pick up a man that had white hair and wrinkles! The night at the bar was fairly tame for me and my sisters. Then we got home and one of my sisters decided to spend the night as she couldn't drive. We planned to make some snacks and watch a movie, when as I was putting food in the oven there was a knock at the door. It was of course HD and the new roommate SS. We all sat around talking for a bit before heading next door to play pool. My sorority sister came back to my place for more beer, at which point I went to see if she needed help after being gone for awhile. As we were crossing the lawn, HD came out and said, "I need to talk to you right now." I thought to myself, here we go again, and when I told him to go ahead he said he needed to talk to me at my house. I made him get my house key from my sister, and as soon as we walked he in the door he turned to me and said, " Are we going to have sex tonight or not?" I replied, "Well, when you put it that way, let me think about it...um no." At this point he starts walking upstairs and informs me he is going to bed, and I reply that he is not staying at my place. He continues into my bedroom and starts to strip, and I try to make myself perfectly clear that nothing is going to happen and he is not sleeping over. He then replies, "Well I have to take one for the team and have sex with you tonight so SS can get with your friend next door." At this point, I think I was a little too easy on him when I threw his clothes back at him and told him that if that was the case he didn't have to worry about sleeping with me and taking one for the team again. Then, the drunk ass managed to fall down the steps before passing out on the couch. I went next door for another game of pool, and then came home to bed. My second mistake of the night was not closing my bedroom door and locking it (I really thought his roommate was going to come get him and I knew my sorority sister would need a place to crash) because I was woken up by him climbing on top of me somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 am! I pretended to be asleep until I heard him start snoring again and then I slowly extracted myself limb by limb until I was free of the drunkard. At which point, I hear giggling downstairs and realize that my sorority sister was still entertaining SS. I finally managed to get the boys out of my house 4 hours later after being propositioned for both an orgy and a threesome and get some sleep. If I wasn't finished with HD after that night, finding condoms strewn about my yard this week put the final touches on the situation to where I can honestly say that I am D-O-N-E with him! At least the condoms weren't used though, and I guess one some level I should feel flattered that I was apparently worth the $10.00 it took to decorate my lawn!
Wednesday night was the start of my downfall for the week. I had intentions of working late and actually being productive, until the temptation to join some of my girls for half priced wine won out. We then moved to another venue where we met up with more friends and the drinking continued. As we played a game of pool and I managed to sink three balls in a row without so much as them lightly brushing the sides, I knew I had managed to drink more than I realized since I am only decent at pool when I have a buzz or more. We then moved to a table where I proceeded to flirt with Turtle for reasons that are still unknown to me because it's not like I would even remotely get something out of it. As we went to leave, a friend that is more often than not intoxicated sat in the lap of Turtle. I blew it off as her being drunk and just not realizing what she was doing until I heard the story of him driving him home. You see, she started to freak out because the vehicle didn't have doors, windows, or a roof and she felt as though she might fall out because even though she had a seat belt on, she couldn't find anything to hold on to. Apparently some light bulb managed to go off in one of the few brain cells slightly working that night because she proceeded to tell Turtle she knew what she could hold onto and then grabbed his package! Now keep in mind that I have ridden in the same vehicle while I was intoxicated on my way back to his house, and I still didn't feel the need to find my own oh shit stick. Although maybe it was because on some level I knew nothing was going to happen or it could have been the other people in the car, not that other people have ever stopped me before!
Fast forward to Thursday night where I met up with some friends after their kickball practice at the bar from the previous night. We eventually moved to the loft area where there are couches and a big screen. I sat on the couch next to one of the kickball boys and was watching part of the Colts game to see if everyone was right and they were really going to lose. Kickball boy got up and the other two guys who were there started talking to me. One was pretty cute with a pretty good sense of humor, so I kicked up the flirting a bit. I learned that he was 32, went to Appalachian, and shared some of the same interests (I swear I don't know what it is with these App boys). As he was leaving he asked for my number, and I felt certain that he would call. Apparently I couldn't have been more wrong because here it is over a week later and still no call, and since I read the book I know he must just not be into me.
Friday night I had every intention of staying in since PTA was supposed to call me when his poker game was over. Then I received a text message from a friend saying that they were at the normal Friday spot, and I figured why should I wait around for him when I could be out having fun. I also think secretly on some level I wanted him to call while I was out where I could slightly blow him off. As luck would have it, we left the bar around 1:00 and still no call. The call finally came around 3:00 while I was sound asleep and barely conscious, so my plan for trying to be socially fabulous when he called went right out the window!
The final night of mayhem happened on Saturday when I went out with some of my sorority sisters to see an amazing local cover band that I absolutely love! The intoxicated friend from Wednesday also met us, and surprise, surprise she was once again drunk and managed to pick up a man that had white hair and wrinkles! The night at the bar was fairly tame for me and my sisters. Then we got home and one of my sisters decided to spend the night as she couldn't drive. We planned to make some snacks and watch a movie, when as I was putting food in the oven there was a knock at the door. It was of course HD and the new roommate SS. We all sat around talking for a bit before heading next door to play pool. My sorority sister came back to my place for more beer, at which point I went to see if she needed help after being gone for awhile. As we were crossing the lawn, HD came out and said, "I need to talk to you right now." I thought to myself, here we go again, and when I told him to go ahead he said he needed to talk to me at my house. I made him get my house key from my sister, and as soon as we walked he in the door he turned to me and said, " Are we going to have sex tonight or not?" I replied, "Well, when you put it that way, let me think about it...um no." At this point he starts walking upstairs and informs me he is going to bed, and I reply that he is not staying at my place. He continues into my bedroom and starts to strip, and I try to make myself perfectly clear that nothing is going to happen and he is not sleeping over. He then replies, "Well I have to take one for the team and have sex with you tonight so SS can get with your friend next door." At this point, I think I was a little too easy on him when I threw his clothes back at him and told him that if that was the case he didn't have to worry about sleeping with me and taking one for the team again. Then, the drunk ass managed to fall down the steps before passing out on the couch. I went next door for another game of pool, and then came home to bed. My second mistake of the night was not closing my bedroom door and locking it (I really thought his roommate was going to come get him and I knew my sorority sister would need a place to crash) because I was woken up by him climbing on top of me somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 am! I pretended to be asleep until I heard him start snoring again and then I slowly extracted myself limb by limb until I was free of the drunkard. At which point, I hear giggling downstairs and realize that my sorority sister was still entertaining SS. I finally managed to get the boys out of my house 4 hours later after being propositioned for both an orgy and a threesome and get some sleep. If I wasn't finished with HD after that night, finding condoms strewn about my yard this week put the final touches on the situation to where I can honestly say that I am D-O-N-E with him! At least the condoms weren't used though, and I guess one some level I should feel flattered that I was apparently worth the $10.00 it took to decorate my lawn!
"Gimme Some Lovin"
I currently have four ringtones on my phone to give me a general idea of who may be calling me at any particular moment in time. When my girls call me, I hear "Escape, The Pina Colada Song" by Rupert Holmes, and when it's one of my boys I hear G. Love's "Baby's Got Sauce." My parents and sister ring "Everything" by Michael Buble, and for the sake of humor, I gave PTA "The Distance" by Cake.
A few weeks ago I was off somewhere in dreamland, probably quite content when I was suddenly transported to a Cake concert in my dream. As I was sound asleep, it took me a few minutes to realize that in reality it was my phone and not my own personal concert. Since it was barely 5:00 am on a Monday, I couldn't imagine why PTA would be calling me at this particular hour, so curiosity got the better of me and I answered the phone. As it turns out, he was on the way to the airport in Raleigh and wanted to know if a detour by my house was possible. I said yes because I am obviously weak and have no self control when he is involved. I was attempting to give him directions as I ran around like a crazed person trying to shave my legs, brush my teeth, and make myself halfway presentable in the 15 minutes it took him to get to my house.
I opened the door to say hi, and as I closed it, I was backed up against it as we kissed and clothes started flying off. We moved things upstairs where we alternated between fooling around, kissing, talking, and spooning. The half hour that he was here flew by way too quickly, although I'm sure that a few of my tricks should lead him back here eventually. He called to tell me he made it to the airport ok, how much fun he had, how hot he thought I am, and that he would call me later in the week. All I can say is that if I started all my Monday mornings that way, my stress level at work would go down considerably!
As for the whole PTA situation, I have decided that trying not to be attracted to him and having feelings is obviously not working, so I am just going to go with the flow. I plan on having fun and enjoying the ride until someone comes along who makes me as happy but is actually available.
A few weeks ago I was off somewhere in dreamland, probably quite content when I was suddenly transported to a Cake concert in my dream. As I was sound asleep, it took me a few minutes to realize that in reality it was my phone and not my own personal concert. Since it was barely 5:00 am on a Monday, I couldn't imagine why PTA would be calling me at this particular hour, so curiosity got the better of me and I answered the phone. As it turns out, he was on the way to the airport in Raleigh and wanted to know if a detour by my house was possible. I said yes because I am obviously weak and have no self control when he is involved. I was attempting to give him directions as I ran around like a crazed person trying to shave my legs, brush my teeth, and make myself halfway presentable in the 15 minutes it took him to get to my house.
I opened the door to say hi, and as I closed it, I was backed up against it as we kissed and clothes started flying off. We moved things upstairs where we alternated between fooling around, kissing, talking, and spooning. The half hour that he was here flew by way too quickly, although I'm sure that a few of my tricks should lead him back here eventually. He called to tell me he made it to the airport ok, how much fun he had, how hot he thought I am, and that he would call me later in the week. All I can say is that if I started all my Monday mornings that way, my stress level at work would go down considerably!
As for the whole PTA situation, I have decided that trying not to be attracted to him and having feelings is obviously not working, so I am just going to go with the flow. I plan on having fun and enjoying the ride until someone comes along who makes me as happy but is actually available.
Monday, August 20, 2007
"I Know What Boys Like"
Have you ever noticed that when you believe you are in for a fairly tame night that it ends up being fairly crazy and vice versa? It's almost as if the nightlife gods have nothing better to do at night than to keep themselves entertained by switching things up on us. For instance, you think you have a relatively low-key night planned out, and then BOOM, they throw in an ex-boyfriend for drama or the friend who manages to drink a little too much and you end up chasing her around the bar babysitting her so that she doesn't wind up doing something she'll regret. As we went out on the town to celebrate the birthday of my elementary school friend's boy toy's sister (I promise it gets slightly easier to follow from this point), I thought I was in for a fairly low-key night.
Since I didn't want to be the third wheel to the fairly new couple (they are still in that honeymoon stage if you catch my drift), I called a few friends to see who might want to join me. I had confirmed with my friend that Turtle, a friend of the boy toy who I recently took it to second base with, would most likely not attend the festivities. Therefore, when the majority of my girlfriends reported that they had other plans, I called Mr. Michigan (who you may recall that my friends believe may have a slight thing for me) and invited him. Mr. Michigan was at an engagement party for a friend, but when I called decided to leave the event to hit the town with me. I know, I know this should raise a red flag that he is interested, but in the two years I have known him he has never even remotely made a move, and just the week prior I'm pretty sure his roommate was hitting on me. In the meantime, elementary school friend hears from the boy toy that Turtle is indeed joining us and that we should meet them at Turtle's house for a drink. I can't very well call Mr. Michigan and tell now that he's been on the road for a good 45 minutes not to come and turn around and go back to his party, so I devise a plan B where we call another friend of ours to help me keep him entertained. My elementary school friend and I then head to Turtle's house where we join the boys for a drink and get ready to head to the bar, at which point Turtle announces he is going to drive.
Once we get to the bar, elementary school friend decides that she will drink with me and we can figure out the whole sleeping thing later. So we all start drinking, and eventually Mr. Michigan shows up and joins us. Now the boys are getting on famously at this point, and us girls are continuing to drink. As the alcohol keeps flowing, Turtle and I become more and more touchy feely with one another. Ok, actually I think I temporarily morphed into one of the people I hate because while the events are slightly hazed with remnants of Bud Light, I do remember holding hands, whispering in each other's ears, and basically just begging for someone to scream "Get a room" to us. However, everyone is still getting along and everything seems fine. Well at least that is until Turtle and I are dancing, and he leans in to kiss me (which actually happened a few more times that night). I'm not sure if it was just a coincidence or not, but very soon in the near future after that I feel a tap on my shoulder where Mr. Michigan informs me he is going home and before I can even follow him to the parking lot to see what is wrong he is gone. Luckily for me, the alcohol seemed to keep the events from bothering me and we all went back to Turtle's house.
We eventually did get the room, that we were ironically told to get by my elementary school friend when she stumbled upon us making out. Once again we reached second base, but as I am not clearly future wife material in his opinion (and he is only increasing his number into double digits when he meets his potential future wife) I woke up the next morning fairly sexually frustrated and very much awake. I believed that everyone was still sleeping, so I just laid there trying to fall back to sleep and figured that my elementary school friend would wake me up when she had to leave. I was clearly mistaken because I had Turtle call the boy toy (my phone was in my purse in the living room) to see if they were decent because I needed to go and it was after lunch already. We were then informed that my elementary school friend peaced out earlier that morning and didn't want to disturb me.
The boys luckily agreed to drive me home (although wearing my high heels and halter top from the night before probably would have helped me in hitchhiking). When we got to my house, of course like three of my neighbors are outside and got a fabulous view of my walk of shame, where upon reaching the door, I found a note form HD saying "come over." Just when I thought things couldn't possibly get funnier, my Dad calls because apparently my parents had been trying to reach me all morning and were now quite concerned. Without thinking I replied that I was just now getting in because I spent the night at Turtle's house. My Dad then asked if Turtle was my new boyfriend, to which I replied definitely not, which by the way was definitely not the right answer. Thirty minutes later I finally manage to get my Dad off the phone and calmed down, and I attempt to contact Mr. Michigan to smooth things over. You'll be pleased to know that after four days of waiting, I finally got a response and all seems well for right now, and yes, I learned my lesson that you don't kiss boys in front of boys who may be interested in you! I also definitely learned that you don't try to explain to your father where you have been as you are hungover and trying to make it into your house as inconspicuously as possible from an all nighter!
Since I didn't want to be the third wheel to the fairly new couple (they are still in that honeymoon stage if you catch my drift), I called a few friends to see who might want to join me. I had confirmed with my friend that Turtle, a friend of the boy toy who I recently took it to second base with, would most likely not attend the festivities. Therefore, when the majority of my girlfriends reported that they had other plans, I called Mr. Michigan (who you may recall that my friends believe may have a slight thing for me) and invited him. Mr. Michigan was at an engagement party for a friend, but when I called decided to leave the event to hit the town with me. I know, I know this should raise a red flag that he is interested, but in the two years I have known him he has never even remotely made a move, and just the week prior I'm pretty sure his roommate was hitting on me. In the meantime, elementary school friend hears from the boy toy that Turtle is indeed joining us and that we should meet them at Turtle's house for a drink. I can't very well call Mr. Michigan and tell now that he's been on the road for a good 45 minutes not to come and turn around and go back to his party, so I devise a plan B where we call another friend of ours to help me keep him entertained. My elementary school friend and I then head to Turtle's house where we join the boys for a drink and get ready to head to the bar, at which point Turtle announces he is going to drive.
Once we get to the bar, elementary school friend decides that she will drink with me and we can figure out the whole sleeping thing later. So we all start drinking, and eventually Mr. Michigan shows up and joins us. Now the boys are getting on famously at this point, and us girls are continuing to drink. As the alcohol keeps flowing, Turtle and I become more and more touchy feely with one another. Ok, actually I think I temporarily morphed into one of the people I hate because while the events are slightly hazed with remnants of Bud Light, I do remember holding hands, whispering in each other's ears, and basically just begging for someone to scream "Get a room" to us. However, everyone is still getting along and everything seems fine. Well at least that is until Turtle and I are dancing, and he leans in to kiss me (which actually happened a few more times that night). I'm not sure if it was just a coincidence or not, but very soon in the near future after that I feel a tap on my shoulder where Mr. Michigan informs me he is going home and before I can even follow him to the parking lot to see what is wrong he is gone. Luckily for me, the alcohol seemed to keep the events from bothering me and we all went back to Turtle's house.
We eventually did get the room, that we were ironically told to get by my elementary school friend when she stumbled upon us making out. Once again we reached second base, but as I am not clearly future wife material in his opinion (and he is only increasing his number into double digits when he meets his potential future wife) I woke up the next morning fairly sexually frustrated and very much awake. I believed that everyone was still sleeping, so I just laid there trying to fall back to sleep and figured that my elementary school friend would wake me up when she had to leave. I was clearly mistaken because I had Turtle call the boy toy (my phone was in my purse in the living room) to see if they were decent because I needed to go and it was after lunch already. We were then informed that my elementary school friend peaced out earlier that morning and didn't want to disturb me.
The boys luckily agreed to drive me home (although wearing my high heels and halter top from the night before probably would have helped me in hitchhiking). When we got to my house, of course like three of my neighbors are outside and got a fabulous view of my walk of shame, where upon reaching the door, I found a note form HD saying "come over." Just when I thought things couldn't possibly get funnier, my Dad calls because apparently my parents had been trying to reach me all morning and were now quite concerned. Without thinking I replied that I was just now getting in because I spent the night at Turtle's house. My Dad then asked if Turtle was my new boyfriend, to which I replied definitely not, which by the way was definitely not the right answer. Thirty minutes later I finally manage to get my Dad off the phone and calmed down, and I attempt to contact Mr. Michigan to smooth things over. You'll be pleased to know that after four days of waiting, I finally got a response and all seems well for right now, and yes, I learned my lesson that you don't kiss boys in front of boys who may be interested in you! I also definitely learned that you don't try to explain to your father where you have been as you are hungover and trying to make it into your house as inconspicuously as possible from an all nighter!
Monday, August 6, 2007
"Let's Try Goodbye"
I am just curious if lying is one of the items Darwin had in mind when he devised the whole natural selection plan. Being male, he must have clearly anticipated it as a way to pick up women because as I have come to discover all males lie in order to get what they want. For instance, I had dinner with PTA and his former colleague tonight, where apparently he developed amnesia and couldn't seem to remember things that we had previously discussed. Specifically those things that were previously discussed during our 4 hour long phone conversation last week.
I gave said male the benefit of the doubt and assumed that he was attempting to keep things as professional as possible and not acknowledge to his former co-workers that we had spoken as much as we had. Fast forward to us walking to our cars, where said co-worker gives me a hug goodbye, but I get absolutely nothing from PTA!!! Then fast forward about 30 more minutes later where PTA calls to tell me how hot I look and how bad he wants to come over, but before our conversation is finished, he is already making excuses! I am so tired of the lies!!!! For once, I would just appreciate it if he was straight with me. I'm not stupid to the point where I can't see through the excuses, and honesty would earn so many more bonus points with me. With this being said, maybe it's time that I focus on the professional relationship and forget the personal one since he clearly doesn't have the balls to tell me the truth! I am so over this whole situation (well at least I am until the alcohol wears off)!!!
I gave said male the benefit of the doubt and assumed that he was attempting to keep things as professional as possible and not acknowledge to his former co-workers that we had spoken as much as we had. Fast forward to us walking to our cars, where said co-worker gives me a hug goodbye, but I get absolutely nothing from PTA!!! Then fast forward about 30 more minutes later where PTA calls to tell me how hot I look and how bad he wants to come over, but before our conversation is finished, he is already making excuses! I am so tired of the lies!!!! For once, I would just appreciate it if he was straight with me. I'm not stupid to the point where I can't see through the excuses, and honesty would earn so many more bonus points with me. With this being said, maybe it's time that I focus on the professional relationship and forget the personal one since he clearly doesn't have the balls to tell me the truth! I am so over this whole situation (well at least I am until the alcohol wears off)!!!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
"Girls Just Want to Have Fun"
A former housemate of mine is getting married this October, and I thought I would throw her a little shindig to help her celebrate her last few months of freedom before she disappears into the abyss of newlywed status. I also thought what better way to help her get ready for the sex that is most likely to accompany this abyss than a sex toy party prior to hitting the town. We drank our Tie Me to the Bedposts and laughed as we applied edible lotions to our arms to taste the flavors, and the comments and giggles that followed could only mean that we were in for one very interesting night! As we all took turns ordering we of course drank more alcohol, which only served to fuel our new found love affair for Tiny, the 15 inch giant purple penis. While I have not had the pleasure of seeing the Paris Hilton sex tape, I am quite sure that our pictures posing with our new friend would probably serve as some hefty competition in the scandal department.
As we headed downtown to hit the bars, we could be classified into three groups, the sober drivers, the drunker ones, and the drunkest ones. Since death seemed a much better option than moving even a millimeter in my bed the next morning, I am pretty sure that I could be classified into the later group (well that and the fact that right before we left I sucked down two more drinks like they were Kool-Aid without mixing in Sprite so it was basically 32 ounces of liquor). I am not 100% sure of the events that followed, but I am pretty sure that they were along the lines of me slightly flashing the bouncer some cleavage because the bachelorette had lost her license somewhere between my house and the bar. Then, as if I hadn't already had enough to drink, I kept on drinking at the bar. There were some key moments as I am sure you can imagine where all 15 of us got excited about the poles and did our best stripper impressions. I am pretty sure that my other friend's new boy toy thinks that I propositioned him as I made the comment that we tend to share when she went to the bathroom (I swear I was talking about dancing partners). Then upon being felt up while dancing by some really young short guy, I looked at him and held my hand out above my head and told him that he needed to be "this tall to ride this ride." Just when I thought the night couldn't be anymore entertaining, we found HD waiting on the tailgate of his truck for me in his driveway and he had left me another love note (ok well really a booty call note) on my door. As his roommate, the drunkard, was out of town at the beach, I eventually followed him next door. All I can say is that serious talk + excessive amounts of alcohol = one very bad idea and nothing I say once the room starts spinning should be taken at face value!
As we headed downtown to hit the bars, we could be classified into three groups, the sober drivers, the drunker ones, and the drunkest ones. Since death seemed a much better option than moving even a millimeter in my bed the next morning, I am pretty sure that I could be classified into the later group (well that and the fact that right before we left I sucked down two more drinks like they were Kool-Aid without mixing in Sprite so it was basically 32 ounces of liquor). I am not 100% sure of the events that followed, but I am pretty sure that they were along the lines of me slightly flashing the bouncer some cleavage because the bachelorette had lost her license somewhere between my house and the bar. Then, as if I hadn't already had enough to drink, I kept on drinking at the bar. There were some key moments as I am sure you can imagine where all 15 of us got excited about the poles and did our best stripper impressions. I am pretty sure that my other friend's new boy toy thinks that I propositioned him as I made the comment that we tend to share when she went to the bathroom (I swear I was talking about dancing partners). Then upon being felt up while dancing by some really young short guy, I looked at him and held my hand out above my head and told him that he needed to be "this tall to ride this ride." Just when I thought the night couldn't be anymore entertaining, we found HD waiting on the tailgate of his truck for me in his driveway and he had left me another love note (ok well really a booty call note) on my door. As his roommate, the drunkard, was out of town at the beach, I eventually followed him next door. All I can say is that serious talk + excessive amounts of alcohol = one very bad idea and nothing I say once the room starts spinning should be taken at face value!
Monday, July 23, 2007
"Only The Good Die Young"
I originally started this blog as a form of self-therapy in order to express my pent-up feelings towards the male sex. However, recent events have left me with a variety of feelings that I am quite honestly having a hard time expressing. I hope that you will indulge me in this brief departure from my normal content to make an attempt to express to those of you who have touched my life how much you truly mean to me.
I first experienced the death of a peer the summer between Seventh and Eighth Grade. Unfortunately, from this point I would experience such an event about one or two times a year. Only one of these peers did I actually know on a somewhat limited personal level, and when I graduated high school, it all seemed to cease. At least it did until this past Friday, and which point I arrived home to learn that one of my suitemates had passed away as a result of complications from childbirth. I let out a sigh of relief as I learned that the baby was fine. Since I had lived in the same suite with this person for both freshman and sophomore years, this was definitely the closest friend that I have known to pass away. I went through shock, tears, sickness, and finally I understood the saying comfortably numb as I found it impossible to feel anything else.
I attended the memorial service this morning, and felt ashamed that I had not been in contact with her and many of my other suitemates since graduation. In remembering those two years, I regret not being able to tell her how many happy memories she gave me as a gift and how I valued our friendship. In today's hectic world, it seems all too easy to let friendships fall by the wayside as we make less and less time to tell people how much we love them. With this in mind, to all my friends, wherever you may be, please know that I love you and you have all touched my life in your own special way. To those that have offered their support and words of encouragement over these past few days, thank you because it certainly would have been hard to get through this without you. Lastly, to Spamela, I know you are looking down on everyone right now, and please know how many wonderful memories you have given me! You have a beautiful new son, and I will always remember the days of Brannock 202B!!!
I first experienced the death of a peer the summer between Seventh and Eighth Grade. Unfortunately, from this point I would experience such an event about one or two times a year. Only one of these peers did I actually know on a somewhat limited personal level, and when I graduated high school, it all seemed to cease. At least it did until this past Friday, and which point I arrived home to learn that one of my suitemates had passed away as a result of complications from childbirth. I let out a sigh of relief as I learned that the baby was fine. Since I had lived in the same suite with this person for both freshman and sophomore years, this was definitely the closest friend that I have known to pass away. I went through shock, tears, sickness, and finally I understood the saying comfortably numb as I found it impossible to feel anything else.
I attended the memorial service this morning, and felt ashamed that I had not been in contact with her and many of my other suitemates since graduation. In remembering those two years, I regret not being able to tell her how many happy memories she gave me as a gift and how I valued our friendship. In today's hectic world, it seems all too easy to let friendships fall by the wayside as we make less and less time to tell people how much we love them. With this in mind, to all my friends, wherever you may be, please know that I love you and you have all touched my life in your own special way. To those that have offered their support and words of encouragement over these past few days, thank you because it certainly would have been hard to get through this without you. Lastly, to Spamela, I know you are looking down on everyone right now, and please know how many wonderful memories you have given me! You have a beautiful new son, and I will always remember the days of Brannock 202B!!!
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