"Just Another Scandal"

When I was in 8th Grade, a boy once expressed interest in me by having his friend ask me out for him. Cautious that the friend may have only been kidding, I gave him my number and told him to have the boy call me and ask me himself that night if he was serious. The boy did call, and after an hour phone conversation told me that he loved me, to which I gave a simple reply of, "um, thanks I guess." Clearly that wasn't the answer he was looking for because he broke up with me the next day and told me that he couldn't go out with someone that couldn't express her feelings for him. True to form I replied, "I wasn't aware that an hour phone conversation meant I needed to declare my love for you, I'm only in 8th grade after all!" I'm pretty sure there were some tears (his not mine) and we never talked again. Fast forward to present times, and it is middle school deja vue all over again with Turtle.

It all started with wine as I met one of my sorority sisters for dinner one Wednesday in September, and I had the brilliant idea to go shopping for new lingerie to wear to Mr. Michigan's pajama party the following week. Well, $400.00 and a phone call from Ms. Elementary School later, we were on our way to Europa for even more wine. As we stood at the bar, waiting for our bottle, a very drunk gentlemen pointed at me and screamed, "I know you, I'll be right over!" My sorority sister asked how I knew him and I explained that I honestly had no idea. We waited for a bit since while the guy wasn't exactly gorgeous, curiosity was getting the best of me, and then decided to go out to the patio. As I passed the drunk guy he once again commented, "I know you, you're Marilyn Monroe! Look at those lips, can I just get one kiss?" I laughed it off, but kissed him on the cheek as I was afraid he might become belligerent if I declined. As we stood on the patio area, two guys kept checking me and my sorority sister out, when Turtle showed up gave me a quick hug hello and walked up to a table. When Ms. Elementary School arrived, we all caught up on the latest boy dramas in each other's lives and then went to leave when our bottle was finished. The boys from earlier were waiting by the exit, introduced themselves, and offered to walk us to our car. I know, I know, red flags were going off but we really weren't parked that far away and it was well lit. Not long after we arrived at the car, my sorority sister took off behind a car and started making out with her new boy toy from New York. My own Junior Mafia member made the moves on me, and I decided to blame it on the wine and lingerie purchase and go with it. As we were riding back to my car, I text messaged Ms. Elementary School and informed her that I had just made out with a random guy in a parking lot for an hour. She replied, "What? Where? And by the way Turtle saw your message!" She then called me for details and informed me that Turtle had wanted me to come home with him. Clearly I need to bring along a translator fluent in 20 something male when I go out because I wasn't aware that by saying hi and giving me a hug, he actually meant come home with me tonight!

Thursday night, I attended a social for area alumni from Elon with some friends and my sister at Mcoul's. We then went to The Burro to meet Ms. Elementary School and play corn hole. After a game, having a guy buy me a beer, and getting a lot of shit from my friends about how the guys playing stopped dead in their tracks as I walked into the room, my friends left. As I was playing some more corn hole with Ms. Elementary School and her kickball team, Turtle walked in and this time said hi and asked if I had fun in the parking lot. Fast forward to a little later in the night when Ms. Elementary School's boy toy comes up to me and tells me that once again Turtle wants to know if I am coming home with him, to which I reply, "Tell him to ask me himself!" Since I am typically not one to wait around, I gave him an hour and then left as I clearly needed to find a bed if I was going to make it to work the following day.

This brings us to Friday night, where we had decided that we needed a break from all the boy drama and that we were going to have a girls' night. The shots started flowing (my best guess is that I had somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 - 15 that night) and we had a full hour of girls' night before the boys started to infiltrate with text messages. At one point, Ms. Elementary School informs me that her boy toy has texted her asking if I am coming back with her to Turtle's, to which I almost screamed, "Tell him to ask me himself!" Several more shots later, I get a text message asking if I am coming over from a number I didn't recognize, so I ignored it and took another shot. As the bar was closing, I notice that I have a voicemail from what I thought to be Turtle (I later learned the following day that he had a friend call from his phone and ask if I was coming over). As Ms. Elementary School and I are on our way over, she opens her mouth starts to say something, and then says nevermind a few times. I finally tell her out with it and she tells me that I have to promise not to get mad, where my immediate response is, "Oh fuck, I am in trouble!" She assures me that it is nothing like that but that Turtle and his friend are currently trying to figure out who gets to hook up with me when I get there. Since I could have either gotten mad, or taken it as a compliment and be flattered, I decided to keep my happy buzz and be flattered. While the friend was kind of cute, I didn't want to be the slutty girl that gets passed around so I opted for Turtle. Although in retrospect, I may not have had the female case of blue balls the next morning had I opted to go with the friend and may have actually been satisfied as I would have most likely had sex.....