When I was in 8th Grade, a boy once expressed interest in me by having his friend ask me out for him. Cautious that the friend may have only been kidding, I gave him my number and told him to have the boy call me and ask me himself that night if he was serious. The boy did call, and after an hour phone conversation told me that he loved me, to which I gave a simple reply of, "um, thanks I guess." Clearly that wasn't the answer he was looking for because he broke up with me the next day and told me that he couldn't go out with someone that couldn't express her feelings for him. True to form I replied, "I wasn't aware that an hour phone conversation meant I needed to declare my love for you, I'm only in 8th grade after all!" I'm pretty sure there were some tears (his not mine) and we never talked again. Fast forward to present times, and it is middle school deja vue all over again with Turtle.
It all started with wine as I met one of my sorority sisters for dinner one Wednesday in September, and I had the brilliant idea to go shopping for new lingerie to wear to Mr. Michigan's pajama party the following week. Well, $400.00 and a phone call from Ms. Elementary School later, we were on our way to Europa for even more wine. As we stood at the bar, waiting for our bottle, a very drunk gentlemen pointed at me and screamed, "I know you, I'll be right over!" My sorority sister asked how I knew him and I explained that I honestly had no idea. We waited for a bit since while the guy wasn't exactly gorgeous, curiosity was getting the best of me, and then decided to go out to the patio. As I passed the drunk guy he once again commented, "I know you, you're Marilyn Monroe! Look at those lips, can I just get one kiss?" I laughed it off, but kissed him on the cheek as I was afraid he might become belligerent if I declined. As we stood on the patio area, two guys kept checking me and my sorority sister out, when Turtle showed up gave me a quick hug hello and walked up to a table. When Ms. Elementary School arrived, we all caught up on the latest boy dramas in each other's lives and then went to leave when our bottle was finished. The boys from earlier were waiting by the exit, introduced themselves, and offered to walk us to our car. I know, I know, red flags were going off but we really weren't parked that far away and it was well lit. Not long after we arrived at the car, my sorority sister took off behind a car and started making out with her new boy toy from New York. My own Junior Mafia member made the moves on me, and I decided to blame it on the wine and lingerie purchase and go with it. As we were riding back to my car, I text messaged Ms. Elementary School and informed her that I had just made out with a random guy in a parking lot for an hour. She replied, "What? Where? And by the way Turtle saw your message!" She then called me for details and informed me that Turtle had wanted me to come home with him. Clearly I need to bring along a translator fluent in 20 something male when I go out because I wasn't aware that by saying hi and giving me a hug, he actually meant come home with me tonight!
Thursday night, I attended a social for area alumni from Elon with some friends and my sister at Mcoul's. We then went to The Burro to meet Ms. Elementary School and play corn hole. After a game, having a guy buy me a beer, and getting a lot of shit from my friends about how the guys playing stopped dead in their tracks as I walked into the room, my friends left. As I was playing some more corn hole with Ms. Elementary School and her kickball team, Turtle walked in and this time said hi and asked if I had fun in the parking lot. Fast forward to a little later in the night when Ms. Elementary School's boy toy comes up to me and tells me that once again Turtle wants to know if I am coming home with him, to which I reply, "Tell him to ask me himself!" Since I am typically not one to wait around, I gave him an hour and then left as I clearly needed to find a bed if I was going to make it to work the following day.
This brings us to Friday night, where we had decided that we needed a break from all the boy drama and that we were going to have a girls' night. The shots started flowing (my best guess is that I had somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 - 15 that night) and we had a full hour of girls' night before the boys started to infiltrate with text messages. At one point, Ms. Elementary School informs me that her boy toy has texted her asking if I am coming back with her to Turtle's, to which I almost screamed, "Tell him to ask me himself!" Several more shots later, I get a text message asking if I am coming over from a number I didn't recognize, so I ignored it and took another shot. As the bar was closing, I notice that I have a voicemail from what I thought to be Turtle (I later learned the following day that he had a friend call from his phone and ask if I was coming over). As Ms. Elementary School and I are on our way over, she opens her mouth starts to say something, and then says nevermind a few times. I finally tell her out with it and she tells me that I have to promise not to get mad, where my immediate response is, "Oh fuck, I am in trouble!" She assures me that it is nothing like that but that Turtle and his friend are currently trying to figure out who gets to hook up with me when I get there. Since I could have either gotten mad, or taken it as a compliment and be flattered, I decided to keep my happy buzz and be flattered. While the friend was kind of cute, I didn't want to be the slutty girl that gets passed around so I opted for Turtle. Although in retrospect, I may not have had the female case of blue balls the next morning had I opted to go with the friend and may have actually been satisfied as I would have most likely had sex.....
Showing posts with label best friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label best friends. Show all posts
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
"Kiss Me Fool"
A very dear friend called me recently to ask if I wanted to grab a drink with her that evening. Since I was off the following day from work and it was pitcher night at one of my favorite bars, she certainly didn't have to twist my arm very hard. I was also very excited about the prospect of seeing her and spending some quality girl time. I picked her up and we headed downtown to start what would be the first of several pitchers that evening.
As with any girls' night, the talk moved in the direction of the male sex. At this point, the friend felt compelled to apologize to a former fling who had rather gentlemanly held her hair back and rubbed her back as she was bent over my porch railing a few weeks prior. Text messages followed, and before we knew it he was on his way to the bar with a friend to meet us for drinks. The friend he brought also happened to be a guy I knew from high school, who I'll call Turtle for reasons that will be obvious soon. We shared quite a few pitchers that evening, and somehow our conversation evolved to the subject of hot tubs. At this point, Turtle asked a theoretical question as to whether or not I would go back to his place if he promised me a dip in the hot tub. You see, he was contemplating the idea and was conducting a very scientific research study to qualify his purchase. As many of you know, I have an affinity for hot tubs, so my official reply to the study was yes. Those of you who have conducted research in the past know that any legitimate study must have a control subject, which happened to be the question of whether I would return to his place since he didn't have said hot tub. My official reply to this question was maybe. As the bar began to close, my friend and I held a conference in the ladies' room in which we agreed to return to the Turtle's house for at least a little bit.
My friend and I were not sure of the best way to arrive at the house, so we split up and her interest rode with me. He questioned what I thought of the Turtle, mentioned that I was definitely the Turtle's type, and explained that I may have to make the first move. My response was that I do not make the first move, particularly when I have very little evidence of said interest. Therefore, when we arrived at the house, the boys were forced to have a little pep talk as the Turtle originally started to do laundry. We later went in the living room and began to watch a movie, and shortly after my friend and her interest left the living room and moved to the other bedroom. I thought to myself, maybe now he will finally make a move on me! I was sadly mistaken though and found myself transported back to the high school game of "Will He or Won't He." It started with a hand on my thigh, slowly progressing to hand holding, then his head on my shoulder as he put his arms around me. My best guesstimate would be that almost an hour and a half later, he finally kissed me! He then suggested that as the couch was not very comfortable, we move to his bedroom. He was a perfect gentleman as we lay there talking, me laying on top of him as he scratched my back and mixing in an occasional kiss. As I rolled over to go to sleep, he earned major bonus points as he turned to spoon me, entwine my fingers with his, and every now and then kiss my shoulder. I guess the fable about the turtle proves true because clearly slow and steady wins the race!
As with any girls' night, the talk moved in the direction of the male sex. At this point, the friend felt compelled to apologize to a former fling who had rather gentlemanly held her hair back and rubbed her back as she was bent over my porch railing a few weeks prior. Text messages followed, and before we knew it he was on his way to the bar with a friend to meet us for drinks. The friend he brought also happened to be a guy I knew from high school, who I'll call Turtle for reasons that will be obvious soon. We shared quite a few pitchers that evening, and somehow our conversation evolved to the subject of hot tubs. At this point, Turtle asked a theoretical question as to whether or not I would go back to his place if he promised me a dip in the hot tub. You see, he was contemplating the idea and was conducting a very scientific research study to qualify his purchase. As many of you know, I have an affinity for hot tubs, so my official reply to the study was yes. Those of you who have conducted research in the past know that any legitimate study must have a control subject, which happened to be the question of whether I would return to his place since he didn't have said hot tub. My official reply to this question was maybe. As the bar began to close, my friend and I held a conference in the ladies' room in which we agreed to return to the Turtle's house for at least a little bit.
My friend and I were not sure of the best way to arrive at the house, so we split up and her interest rode with me. He questioned what I thought of the Turtle, mentioned that I was definitely the Turtle's type, and explained that I may have to make the first move. My response was that I do not make the first move, particularly when I have very little evidence of said interest. Therefore, when we arrived at the house, the boys were forced to have a little pep talk as the Turtle originally started to do laundry. We later went in the living room and began to watch a movie, and shortly after my friend and her interest left the living room and moved to the other bedroom. I thought to myself, maybe now he will finally make a move on me! I was sadly mistaken though and found myself transported back to the high school game of "Will He or Won't He." It started with a hand on my thigh, slowly progressing to hand holding, then his head on my shoulder as he put his arms around me. My best guesstimate would be that almost an hour and a half later, he finally kissed me! He then suggested that as the couch was not very comfortable, we move to his bedroom. He was a perfect gentleman as we lay there talking, me laying on top of him as he scratched my back and mixing in an occasional kiss. As I rolled over to go to sleep, he earned major bonus points as he turned to spoon me, entwine my fingers with his, and every now and then kiss my shoulder. I guess the fable about the turtle proves true because clearly slow and steady wins the race!
Saturday, June 16, 2007
"Oh What a Night"
The music heard in route to a bar inevitably sets the tone for the night. As I picked up my best friend since kindergarten and headed downtown, the music gods smiled upon us and played a few songs that were vital to our tenure in high school. Bitch by Meredith Brooks happened to be one of these songs, and as we were driving singing, "I'm a bitch, I'm a tease, I'm a goddess on my knees," I knew that the night would be anything but ordinary.
Another indicator of an interesting night was the toast we selected as we drank our beers on the patio at Mcoul's. "Here's to the boys that we love. Here's to the boys that love us, but the boys that we love aren't the boys that love us so fuck the boys, here's to us!" That simple toast and the fact that we hadn't seen each other for six months, helped put us into a sassy mood as we hit the town. I mean what else could possibly lead me to tell Mr. High School Crush, "Just so you know, I plan on taking you home tonight, and I can't do that if you don't meet us."
Fast forward to the high points of the night at The Rhino, where a guy surely in his late thirties bought me a beer and attempted to impress me by doing the escalator and elevator, the bouncer telling me that I can rip his shirt off anytime when I told him he looked like Clark Kent with the pretend glasses and I was just waiting for him to duck in a phone booth and come out with his Superman suit, and being told by Ms. Elementary School that she wasn't hitting on me but I just looked sexy.
The after party ended up being at my house, where my neighbor, Mr. High School Crush, and Crush's lacrosse teammate joined us three girls. Once the boys arrived, I disappeared with Mr. High School Crush for a bit, and let me tell you, as his arms were wrapped around me, the fact that I still really haven't heard much from Mr. Emotionally Unavailable was the furthest thing from my mind. I guess it's really true what they say about how the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new!!!
Another indicator of an interesting night was the toast we selected as we drank our beers on the patio at Mcoul's. "Here's to the boys that we love. Here's to the boys that love us, but the boys that we love aren't the boys that love us so fuck the boys, here's to us!" That simple toast and the fact that we hadn't seen each other for six months, helped put us into a sassy mood as we hit the town. I mean what else could possibly lead me to tell Mr. High School Crush, "Just so you know, I plan on taking you home tonight, and I can't do that if you don't meet us."
Fast forward to the high points of the night at The Rhino, where a guy surely in his late thirties bought me a beer and attempted to impress me by doing the escalator and elevator, the bouncer telling me that I can rip his shirt off anytime when I told him he looked like Clark Kent with the pretend glasses and I was just waiting for him to duck in a phone booth and come out with his Superman suit, and being told by Ms. Elementary School that she wasn't hitting on me but I just looked sexy.
The after party ended up being at my house, where my neighbor, Mr. High School Crush, and Crush's lacrosse teammate joined us three girls. Once the boys arrived, I disappeared with Mr. High School Crush for a bit, and let me tell you, as his arms were wrapped around me, the fact that I still really haven't heard much from Mr. Emotionally Unavailable was the furthest thing from my mind. I guess it's really true what they say about how the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new!!!
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