"High Times"

I once had a guy compare me to Paris Hilton, not in the sex tape or dumb blond way, but that I generally have a full social calendar. Recently, I apparently felt the need to prove him right in a series of events that only spiraled more out of control as the week progressed.

Wednesday night was the start of my downfall for the week. I had intentions of working late and actually being productive, until the temptation to join some of my girls for half priced wine won out. We then moved to another venue where we met up with more friends and the drinking continued. As we played a game of pool and I managed to sink three balls in a row without so much as them lightly brushing the sides, I knew I had managed to drink more than I realized since I am only decent at pool when I have a buzz or more. We then moved to a table where I proceeded to flirt with Turtle for reasons that are still unknown to me because it's not like I would even remotely get something out of it. As we went to leave, a friend that is more often than not intoxicated sat in the lap of Turtle. I blew it off as her being drunk and just not realizing what she was doing until I heard the story of him driving him home. You see, she started to freak out because the vehicle didn't have doors, windows, or a roof and she felt as though she might fall out because even though she had a seat belt on, she couldn't find anything to hold on to. Apparently some light bulb managed to go off in one of the few brain cells slightly working that night because she proceeded to tell Turtle she knew what she could hold onto and then grabbed his package! Now keep in mind that I have ridden in the same vehicle while I was intoxicated on my way back to his house, and I still didn't feel the need to find my own oh shit stick. Although maybe it was because on some level I knew nothing was going to happen or it could have been the other people in the car, not that other people have ever stopped me before!

Fast forward to Thursday night where I met up with some friends after their kickball practice at the bar from the previous night. We eventually moved to the loft area where there are couches and a big screen. I sat on the couch next to one of the kickball boys and was watching part of the Colts game to see if everyone was right and they were really going to lose. Kickball boy got up and the other two guys who were there started talking to me. One was pretty cute with a pretty good sense of humor, so I kicked up the flirting a bit. I learned that he was 32, went to Appalachian, and shared some of the same interests (I swear I don't know what it is with these App boys). As he was leaving he asked for my number, and I felt certain that he would call. Apparently I couldn't have been more wrong because here it is over a week later and still no call, and since I read the book I know he must just not be into me.

Friday night I had every intention of staying in since PTA was supposed to call me when his poker game was over. Then I received a text message from a friend saying that they were at the normal Friday spot, and I figured why should I wait around for him when I could be out having fun. I also think secretly on some level I wanted him to call while I was out where I could slightly blow him off. As luck would have it, we left the bar around 1:00 and still no call. The call finally came around 3:00 while I was sound asleep and barely conscious, so my plan for trying to be socially fabulous when he called went right out the window!

The final night of mayhem happened on Saturday when I went out with some of my sorority sisters to see an amazing local cover band that I absolutely love! The intoxicated friend from Wednesday also met us, and surprise, surprise she was once again drunk and managed to pick up a man that had white hair and wrinkles! The night at the bar was fairly tame for me and my sisters. Then we got home and one of my sisters decided to spend the night as she couldn't drive. We planned to make some snacks and watch a movie, when as I was putting food in the oven there was a knock at the door. It was of course HD and the new roommate SS. We all sat around talking for a bit before heading next door to play pool. My sorority sister came back to my place for more beer, at which point I went to see if she needed help after being gone for awhile. As we were crossing the lawn, HD came out and said, "I need to talk to you right now." I thought to myself, here we go again, and when I told him to go ahead he said he needed to talk to me at my house. I made him get my house key from my sister, and as soon as we walked he in the door he turned to me and said, " Are we going to have sex tonight or not?" I replied, "Well, when you put it that way, let me think about it...um no." At this point he starts walking upstairs and informs me he is going to bed, and I reply that he is not staying at my place. He continues into my bedroom and starts to strip, and I try to make myself perfectly clear that nothing is going to happen and he is not sleeping over. He then replies, "Well I have to take one for the team and have sex with you tonight so SS can get with your friend next door." At this point, I think I was a little too easy on him when I threw his clothes back at him and told him that if that was the case he didn't have to worry about sleeping with me and taking one for the team again. Then, the drunk ass managed to fall down the steps before passing out on the couch. I went next door for another game of pool, and then came home to bed. My second mistake of the night was not closing my bedroom door and locking it (I really thought his roommate was going to come get him and I knew my sorority sister would need a place to crash) because I was woken up by him climbing on top of me somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 am! I pretended to be asleep until I heard him start snoring again and then I slowly extracted myself limb by limb until I was free of the drunkard. At which point, I hear giggling downstairs and realize that my sorority sister was still entertaining SS. I finally managed to get the boys out of my house 4 hours later after being propositioned for both an orgy and a threesome and get some sleep. If I wasn't finished with HD after that night, finding condoms strewn about my yard this week put the final touches on the situation to where I can honestly say that I am D-O-N-E with him! At least the condoms weren't used though, and I guess one some level I should feel flattered that I was apparently worth the $10.00 it took to decorate my lawn!

"Gimme Some Lovin"

I currently have four ringtones on my phone to give me a general idea of who may be calling me at any particular moment in time. When my girls call me, I hear "Escape, The Pina Colada Song" by Rupert Holmes, and when it's one of my boys I hear G. Love's "Baby's Got Sauce." My parents and sister ring "Everything" by Michael Buble, and for the sake of humor, I gave PTA "The Distance" by Cake.

A few weeks ago I was off somewhere in dreamland, probably quite content when I was suddenly transported to a Cake concert in my dream. As I was sound asleep, it took me a few minutes to realize that in reality it was my phone and not my own personal concert. Since it was barely 5:00 am on a Monday, I couldn't imagine why PTA would be calling me at this particular hour, so curiosity got the better of me and I answered the phone. As it turns out, he was on the way to the airport in Raleigh and wanted to know if a detour by my house was possible. I said yes because I am obviously weak and have no self control when he is involved. I was attempting to give him directions as I ran around like a crazed person trying to shave my legs, brush my teeth, and make myself halfway presentable in the 15 minutes it took him to get to my house.

I opened the door to say hi, and as I closed it, I was backed up against it as we kissed and clothes started flying off. We moved things upstairs where we alternated between fooling around, kissing, talking, and spooning. The half hour that he was here flew by way too quickly, although I'm sure that a few of my tricks should lead him back here eventually. He called to tell me he made it to the airport ok, how much fun he had, how hot he thought I am, and that he would call me later in the week. All I can say is that if I started all my Monday mornings that way, my stress level at work would go down considerably!

As for the whole PTA situation, I have decided that trying not to be attracted to him and having feelings is obviously not working, so I am just going to go with the flow. I plan on having fun and enjoying the ride until someone comes along who makes me as happy but is actually available.