"I Know What Boys Like"

Have you ever noticed that when you believe you are in for a fairly tame night that it ends up being fairly crazy and vice versa? It's almost as if the nightlife gods have nothing better to do at night than to keep themselves entertained by switching things up on us. For instance, you think you have a relatively low-key night planned out, and then BOOM, they throw in an ex-boyfriend for drama or the friend who manages to drink a little too much and you end up chasing her around the bar babysitting her so that she doesn't wind up doing something she'll regret. As we went out on the town to celebrate the birthday of my elementary school friend's boy toy's sister (I promise it gets slightly easier to follow from this point), I thought I was in for a fairly low-key night.

Since I didn't want to be the third wheel to the fairly new couple (they are still in that honeymoon stage if you catch my drift), I called a few friends to see who might want to join me. I had confirmed with my friend that Turtle, a friend of the boy toy who I recently took it to second base with, would most likely not attend the festivities. Therefore, when the majority of my girlfriends reported that they had other plans, I called Mr. Michigan (who you may recall that my friends believe may have a slight thing for me) and invited him. Mr. Michigan was at an engagement party for a friend, but when I called decided to leave the event to hit the town with me. I know, I know this should raise a red flag that he is interested, but in the two years I have known him he has never even remotely made a move, and just the week prior I'm pretty sure his roommate was hitting on me. In the meantime, elementary school friend hears from the boy toy that Turtle is indeed joining us and that we should meet them at Turtle's house for a drink. I can't very well call Mr. Michigan and tell now that he's been on the road for a good 45 minutes not to come and turn around and go back to his party, so I devise a plan B where we call another friend of ours to help me keep him entertained. My elementary school friend and I then head to Turtle's house where we join the boys for a drink and get ready to head to the bar, at which point Turtle announces he is going to drive.

Once we get to the bar, elementary school friend decides that she will drink with me and we can figure out the whole sleeping thing later. So we all start drinking, and eventually Mr. Michigan shows up and joins us. Now the boys are getting on famously at this point, and us girls are continuing to drink. As the alcohol keeps flowing, Turtle and I become more and more touchy feely with one another. Ok, actually I think I temporarily morphed into one of the people I hate because while the events are slightly hazed with remnants of Bud Light, I do remember holding hands, whispering in each other's ears, and basically just begging for someone to scream "Get a room" to us. However, everyone is still getting along and everything seems fine. Well at least that is until Turtle and I are dancing, and he leans in to kiss me (which actually happened a few more times that night). I'm not sure if it was just a coincidence or not, but very soon in the near future after that I feel a tap on my shoulder where Mr. Michigan informs me he is going home and before I can even follow him to the parking lot to see what is wrong he is gone. Luckily for me, the alcohol seemed to keep the events from bothering me and we all went back to Turtle's house.

We eventually did get the room, that we were ironically told to get by my elementary school friend when she stumbled upon us making out. Once again we reached second base, but as I am not clearly future wife material in his opinion (and he is only increasing his number into double digits when he meets his potential future wife) I woke up the next morning fairly sexually frustrated and very much awake. I believed that everyone was still sleeping, so I just laid there trying to fall back to sleep and figured that my elementary school friend would wake me up when she had to leave. I was clearly mistaken because I had Turtle call the boy toy (my phone was in my purse in the living room) to see if they were decent because I needed to go and it was after lunch already. We were then informed that my elementary school friend peaced out earlier that morning and didn't want to disturb me.

The boys luckily agreed to drive me home (although wearing my high heels and halter top from the night before probably would have helped me in hitchhiking). When we got to my house, of course like three of my neighbors are outside and got a fabulous view of my walk of shame, where upon reaching the door, I found a note form HD saying "come over." Just when I thought things couldn't possibly get funnier, my Dad calls because apparently my parents had been trying to reach me all morning and were now quite concerned. Without thinking I replied that I was just now getting in because I spent the night at Turtle's house. My Dad then asked if Turtle was my new boyfriend, to which I replied definitely not, which by the way was definitely not the right answer. Thirty minutes later I finally manage to get my Dad off the phone and calmed down, and I attempt to contact Mr. Michigan to smooth things over. You'll be pleased to know that after four days of waiting, I finally got a response and all seems well for right now, and yes, I learned my lesson that you don't kiss boys in front of boys who may be interested in you! I also definitely learned that you don't try to explain to your father where you have been as you are hungover and trying to make it into your house as inconspicuously as possible from an all nighter!

"Let's Try Goodbye"

I am just curious if lying is one of the items Darwin had in mind when he devised the whole natural selection plan. Being male, he must have clearly anticipated it as a way to pick up women because as I have come to discover all males lie in order to get what they want. For instance, I had dinner with PTA and his former colleague tonight, where apparently he developed amnesia and couldn't seem to remember things that we had previously discussed. Specifically those things that were previously discussed during our 4 hour long phone conversation last week.

I gave said male the benefit of the doubt and assumed that he was attempting to keep things as professional as possible and not acknowledge to his former co-workers that we had spoken as much as we had. Fast forward to us walking to our cars, where said co-worker gives me a hug goodbye, but I get absolutely nothing from PTA!!! Then fast forward about 30 more minutes later where PTA calls to tell me how hot I look and how bad he wants to come over, but before our conversation is finished, he is already making excuses! I am so tired of the lies!!!! For once, I would just appreciate it if he was straight with me. I'm not stupid to the point where I can't see through the excuses, and honesty would earn so many more bonus points with me. With this being said, maybe it's time that I focus on the professional relationship and forget the personal one since he clearly doesn't have the balls to tell me the truth! I am so over this whole situation (well at least I am until the alcohol wears off)!!!