A former housemate of mine is getting married this October, and I thought I would throw her a little shindig to help her celebrate her last few months of freedom before she disappears into the abyss of newlywed status. I also thought what better way to help her get ready for the sex that is most likely to accompany this abyss than a sex toy party prior to hitting the town. We drank our Tie Me to the Bedposts and laughed as we applied edible lotions to our arms to taste the flavors, and the comments and giggles that followed could only mean that we were in for one very interesting night! As we all took turns ordering we of course drank more alcohol, which only served to fuel our new found love affair for Tiny, the 15 inch giant purple penis. While I have not had the pleasure of seeing the Paris Hilton sex tape, I am quite sure that our pictures posing with our new friend would probably serve as some hefty competition in the scandal department.
As we headed downtown to hit the bars, we could be classified into three groups, the sober drivers, the drunker ones, and the drunkest ones. Since death seemed a much better option than moving even a millimeter in my bed the next morning, I am pretty sure that I could be classified into the later group (well that and the fact that right before we left I sucked down two more drinks like they were Kool-Aid without mixing in Sprite so it was basically 32 ounces of liquor). I am not 100% sure of the events that followed, but I am pretty sure that they were along the lines of me slightly flashing the bouncer some cleavage because the bachelorette had lost her license somewhere between my house and the bar. Then, as if I hadn't already had enough to drink, I kept on drinking at the bar. There were some key moments as I am sure you can imagine where all 15 of us got excited about the poles and did our best stripper impressions. I am pretty sure that my other friend's new boy toy thinks that I propositioned him as I made the comment that we tend to share when she went to the bathroom (I swear I was talking about dancing partners). Then upon being felt up while dancing by some really young short guy, I looked at him and held my hand out above my head and told him that he needed to be "this tall to ride this ride." Just when I thought the night couldn't be anymore entertaining, we found HD waiting on the tailgate of his truck for me in his driveway and he had left me another love note (ok well really a booty call note) on my door. As his roommate, the drunkard, was out of town at the beach, I eventually followed him next door. All I can say is that serious talk + excessive amounts of alcohol = one very bad idea and nothing I say once the room starts spinning should be taken at face value!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
"Only The Good Die Young"
I originally started this blog as a form of self-therapy in order to express my pent-up feelings towards the male sex. However, recent events have left me with a variety of feelings that I am quite honestly having a hard time expressing. I hope that you will indulge me in this brief departure from my normal content to make an attempt to express to those of you who have touched my life how much you truly mean to me.
I first experienced the death of a peer the summer between Seventh and Eighth Grade. Unfortunately, from this point I would experience such an event about one or two times a year. Only one of these peers did I actually know on a somewhat limited personal level, and when I graduated high school, it all seemed to cease. At least it did until this past Friday, and which point I arrived home to learn that one of my suitemates had passed away as a result of complications from childbirth. I let out a sigh of relief as I learned that the baby was fine. Since I had lived in the same suite with this person for both freshman and sophomore years, this was definitely the closest friend that I have known to pass away. I went through shock, tears, sickness, and finally I understood the saying comfortably numb as I found it impossible to feel anything else.
I attended the memorial service this morning, and felt ashamed that I had not been in contact with her and many of my other suitemates since graduation. In remembering those two years, I regret not being able to tell her how many happy memories she gave me as a gift and how I valued our friendship. In today's hectic world, it seems all too easy to let friendships fall by the wayside as we make less and less time to tell people how much we love them. With this in mind, to all my friends, wherever you may be, please know that I love you and you have all touched my life in your own special way. To those that have offered their support and words of encouragement over these past few days, thank you because it certainly would have been hard to get through this without you. Lastly, to Spamela, I know you are looking down on everyone right now, and please know how many wonderful memories you have given me! You have a beautiful new son, and I will always remember the days of Brannock 202B!!!
I first experienced the death of a peer the summer between Seventh and Eighth Grade. Unfortunately, from this point I would experience such an event about one or two times a year. Only one of these peers did I actually know on a somewhat limited personal level, and when I graduated high school, it all seemed to cease. At least it did until this past Friday, and which point I arrived home to learn that one of my suitemates had passed away as a result of complications from childbirth. I let out a sigh of relief as I learned that the baby was fine. Since I had lived in the same suite with this person for both freshman and sophomore years, this was definitely the closest friend that I have known to pass away. I went through shock, tears, sickness, and finally I understood the saying comfortably numb as I found it impossible to feel anything else.
I attended the memorial service this morning, and felt ashamed that I had not been in contact with her and many of my other suitemates since graduation. In remembering those two years, I regret not being able to tell her how many happy memories she gave me as a gift and how I valued our friendship. In today's hectic world, it seems all too easy to let friendships fall by the wayside as we make less and less time to tell people how much we love them. With this in mind, to all my friends, wherever you may be, please know that I love you and you have all touched my life in your own special way. To those that have offered their support and words of encouragement over these past few days, thank you because it certainly would have been hard to get through this without you. Lastly, to Spamela, I know you are looking down on everyone right now, and please know how many wonderful memories you have given me! You have a beautiful new son, and I will always remember the days of Brannock 202B!!!
"Kiss Me Fool"
A very dear friend called me recently to ask if I wanted to grab a drink with her that evening. Since I was off the following day from work and it was pitcher night at one of my favorite bars, she certainly didn't have to twist my arm very hard. I was also very excited about the prospect of seeing her and spending some quality girl time. I picked her up and we headed downtown to start what would be the first of several pitchers that evening.
As with any girls' night, the talk moved in the direction of the male sex. At this point, the friend felt compelled to apologize to a former fling who had rather gentlemanly held her hair back and rubbed her back as she was bent over my porch railing a few weeks prior. Text messages followed, and before we knew it he was on his way to the bar with a friend to meet us for drinks. The friend he brought also happened to be a guy I knew from high school, who I'll call Turtle for reasons that will be obvious soon. We shared quite a few pitchers that evening, and somehow our conversation evolved to the subject of hot tubs. At this point, Turtle asked a theoretical question as to whether or not I would go back to his place if he promised me a dip in the hot tub. You see, he was contemplating the idea and was conducting a very scientific research study to qualify his purchase. As many of you know, I have an affinity for hot tubs, so my official reply to the study was yes. Those of you who have conducted research in the past know that any legitimate study must have a control subject, which happened to be the question of whether I would return to his place since he didn't have said hot tub. My official reply to this question was maybe. As the bar began to close, my friend and I held a conference in the ladies' room in which we agreed to return to the Turtle's house for at least a little bit.
My friend and I were not sure of the best way to arrive at the house, so we split up and her interest rode with me. He questioned what I thought of the Turtle, mentioned that I was definitely the Turtle's type, and explained that I may have to make the first move. My response was that I do not make the first move, particularly when I have very little evidence of said interest. Therefore, when we arrived at the house, the boys were forced to have a little pep talk as the Turtle originally started to do laundry. We later went in the living room and began to watch a movie, and shortly after my friend and her interest left the living room and moved to the other bedroom. I thought to myself, maybe now he will finally make a move on me! I was sadly mistaken though and found myself transported back to the high school game of "Will He or Won't He." It started with a hand on my thigh, slowly progressing to hand holding, then his head on my shoulder as he put his arms around me. My best guesstimate would be that almost an hour and a half later, he finally kissed me! He then suggested that as the couch was not very comfortable, we move to his bedroom. He was a perfect gentleman as we lay there talking, me laying on top of him as he scratched my back and mixing in an occasional kiss. As I rolled over to go to sleep, he earned major bonus points as he turned to spoon me, entwine my fingers with his, and every now and then kiss my shoulder. I guess the fable about the turtle proves true because clearly slow and steady wins the race!
As with any girls' night, the talk moved in the direction of the male sex. At this point, the friend felt compelled to apologize to a former fling who had rather gentlemanly held her hair back and rubbed her back as she was bent over my porch railing a few weeks prior. Text messages followed, and before we knew it he was on his way to the bar with a friend to meet us for drinks. The friend he brought also happened to be a guy I knew from high school, who I'll call Turtle for reasons that will be obvious soon. We shared quite a few pitchers that evening, and somehow our conversation evolved to the subject of hot tubs. At this point, Turtle asked a theoretical question as to whether or not I would go back to his place if he promised me a dip in the hot tub. You see, he was contemplating the idea and was conducting a very scientific research study to qualify his purchase. As many of you know, I have an affinity for hot tubs, so my official reply to the study was yes. Those of you who have conducted research in the past know that any legitimate study must have a control subject, which happened to be the question of whether I would return to his place since he didn't have said hot tub. My official reply to this question was maybe. As the bar began to close, my friend and I held a conference in the ladies' room in which we agreed to return to the Turtle's house for at least a little bit.
My friend and I were not sure of the best way to arrive at the house, so we split up and her interest rode with me. He questioned what I thought of the Turtle, mentioned that I was definitely the Turtle's type, and explained that I may have to make the first move. My response was that I do not make the first move, particularly when I have very little evidence of said interest. Therefore, when we arrived at the house, the boys were forced to have a little pep talk as the Turtle originally started to do laundry. We later went in the living room and began to watch a movie, and shortly after my friend and her interest left the living room and moved to the other bedroom. I thought to myself, maybe now he will finally make a move on me! I was sadly mistaken though and found myself transported back to the high school game of "Will He or Won't He." It started with a hand on my thigh, slowly progressing to hand holding, then his head on my shoulder as he put his arms around me. My best guesstimate would be that almost an hour and a half later, he finally kissed me! He then suggested that as the couch was not very comfortable, we move to his bedroom. He was a perfect gentleman as we lay there talking, me laying on top of him as he scratched my back and mixing in an occasional kiss. As I rolled over to go to sleep, he earned major bonus points as he turned to spoon me, entwine my fingers with his, and every now and then kiss my shoulder. I guess the fable about the turtle proves true because clearly slow and steady wins the race!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
"Radar Love"
I am convinced that men are equipped with a special radar device. This device alerts them when a female is making an attempt to move on and is no longer thinking about them at least once an hour on the hour. I am thinking that the device provides a statement that only any male ever associated with you in a romantic or even booty call way can hear such as, "Danger, danger, she's moving on and if you don't act quickly you'll miss out." Anyone who has ever been on a date with a guy only to find three voicemails from other men can surely attest to this theory. It is clearly an evolutionary device that has developed over time as people move apart to help men keep options open for planting their seeds. I am not entirely sure of the scientific background for this theory, but I feel certain that it has to do with some unknown signal produced by the female that is not limited by distance because let's face it, at least one of those voicemails was left by a male who wasn't even in the same state at the time.
Case in point, this weekend I decided to move on and keep things strictly professional with PTA (because I am neurotic enough without trying to be friends with someone who I want to jump every time I see him), and I was beginning to open up to the idea of the possibility of The Pilot. Granted we haven't met yet or even talked on the phone, but we seem to have a lot in common (the most important thing being that we are both single). Nevertheless, one afternoon this week PTA decided to give me a call. Just when I thought I could maybe move on and that maybe everything I was feeling was just sexual frustration, he pops back in just long enough to get back in my head! He even went as far to tell me to give him a call sometime when I'm bored! What the hell does that mean?!? Now as many of you know because I am constantly going through my contacts when I am driving, I can be a talker when I am driving long periods by myself. I am very concerned that on Wednesday, I have a long ride back to my house after I spend a few days at the beach. My question is should I actually call him if I get bored driving? Help!!!
Case in point, this weekend I decided to move on and keep things strictly professional with PTA (because I am neurotic enough without trying to be friends with someone who I want to jump every time I see him), and I was beginning to open up to the idea of the possibility of The Pilot. Granted we haven't met yet or even talked on the phone, but we seem to have a lot in common (the most important thing being that we are both single). Nevertheless, one afternoon this week PTA decided to give me a call. Just when I thought I could maybe move on and that maybe everything I was feeling was just sexual frustration, he pops back in just long enough to get back in my head! He even went as far to tell me to give him a call sometime when I'm bored! What the hell does that mean?!? Now as many of you know because I am constantly going through my contacts when I am driving, I can be a talker when I am driving long periods by myself. I am very concerned that on Wednesday, I have a long ride back to my house after I spend a few days at the beach. My question is should I actually call him if I get bored driving? Help!!!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
"Friend is a Four Letter Word"
This weekend I decided that I am officially throwing in the towel when it comes to the two male prospects in my life. I would like to say that I am doing it because I want to focus on my career, have some time for myself, learn a new hobby, or some other admirable reason, but the truth is while each scenario has its own reason, they are much more shallow!
I met Mr. Michigan through a friend of a friend, and while I have suspicions that he may be slightly interested, I just don't have the energy with this one for the typical games we play. I suspect that my lack of energy and not even remotely feeling butterflies in my stomach at the mention of his name may be due to the fact that deep down, I am "just not that into him." I think I am more excited about the prospect of having someone than being with him, and I value his friendship too much to try something. I did decide, to quote a work acquaintance, to pimp him out to my sister. I think they are more along the same wavelengths, and why not keep him in the family! Plus I decided that I would rather be alone than be with someone for the wrong reasons (I know a certain future-therapist friend is jumping for joy right now after that statement).
Saturday night, I spent a fabulous girls' night with one of my sorority sisters, where we decided that Mr. Emotionally Unavailable just really wasn't that fun of a nickname. We decided to rename him the Pathetic Taken Asshole, or PTA for short. This was brought about by my deciding that my feelings for this particular guy are just simply too strong to only be friends. I came about this realization while reading an e-mail from another AOII on Thursday comparing women to apples. The e-mail stated that the best apples are often found at the top of the tree, but often men are content to settle for the lower apples because they are afraid to climb. As I sat at the computer shedding a few tears, I realized that he just isn't a climber and is content to settle and that I want someone who will climb for me! In reviewing the matter with a few members of my support group (because let's face it, I have been practically addicted to this guy), it was decided that I should try to limit the "friend" contact and keep things mostly professional until I can really move on.
I feel as though I have grown this weekend, but I am sure it will all change as soon as a new boy enters the picture! Sometimes it is just so hard to teach a girl new tricks when a boy is involved!
I met Mr. Michigan through a friend of a friend, and while I have suspicions that he may be slightly interested, I just don't have the energy with this one for the typical games we play. I suspect that my lack of energy and not even remotely feeling butterflies in my stomach at the mention of his name may be due to the fact that deep down, I am "just not that into him." I think I am more excited about the prospect of having someone than being with him, and I value his friendship too much to try something. I did decide, to quote a work acquaintance, to pimp him out to my sister. I think they are more along the same wavelengths, and why not keep him in the family! Plus I decided that I would rather be alone than be with someone for the wrong reasons (I know a certain future-therapist friend is jumping for joy right now after that statement).
Saturday night, I spent a fabulous girls' night with one of my sorority sisters, where we decided that Mr. Emotionally Unavailable just really wasn't that fun of a nickname. We decided to rename him the Pathetic Taken Asshole, or PTA for short. This was brought about by my deciding that my feelings for this particular guy are just simply too strong to only be friends. I came about this realization while reading an e-mail from another AOII on Thursday comparing women to apples. The e-mail stated that the best apples are often found at the top of the tree, but often men are content to settle for the lower apples because they are afraid to climb. As I sat at the computer shedding a few tears, I realized that he just isn't a climber and is content to settle and that I want someone who will climb for me! In reviewing the matter with a few members of my support group (because let's face it, I have been practically addicted to this guy), it was decided that I should try to limit the "friend" contact and keep things mostly professional until I can really move on.
I feel as though I have grown this weekend, but I am sure it will all change as soon as a new boy enters the picture! Sometimes it is just so hard to teach a girl new tricks when a boy is involved!
Sunday, July 1, 2007
"Cold Beverage"
Last night happened to be the birthday of one of my amazing friends. It also happened to be the night that The Breakfast Club was in town, so we decided to go to the show. I also did not have to drive (a rare occurrence I know) thanks to one of my other amazing friends. I was also planning to meet up with some other friends at the bar. One of these friends happens to be a boy, who I'll call Mr. Michigan, that I met through another friend.
Several of my friends have been telling me to go for things with Mr. Michigan since my birthday in January based on the fact that we look so cute together. I'm not necessarily opposed to the idea, as we always have a fabulous time together, but there are issues that certainly complicate the situation (I know what you are thinking here, but he actually broke up with his girlfriend in March so that is no longer one of the issues). Perhaps the biggest reason I haven't gone for it yet is that I honestly can't tell if he is into me. Take last night for example, he went up to the bar on the roof with his friends, but when I couldn't get up there because of the long line, he left his friends to come back and find me. Also, as we were standing there watching the band, whenever I would move slightly away from him even if it was just to say something to one of my friends, he would watch me to see where I was going. In my opinion, these signs point to the fact that he may be interested in me, but then when we went to leave I got the same hug that my other friends received. What's a girl to think?!?
On a side note, Mr. Emotionally Unavailable e-mailed me this morning to apologize for not getting in touch with me on Friday. He was "having e-mail trouble," which I haven't decided if I believe yet or not. He wants to have lunch this Monday, but I'm not sure what I want (well I know what I want so maybe should is a better term) do. I'm slightly hungover (more dehydrated probably than anything since I only have a headache) with no ibuprofen in the house, which means that I am trying not to think too hard until the headache goes away. Any suggestions on what I should do?!?
Several of my friends have been telling me to go for things with Mr. Michigan since my birthday in January based on the fact that we look so cute together. I'm not necessarily opposed to the idea, as we always have a fabulous time together, but there are issues that certainly complicate the situation (I know what you are thinking here, but he actually broke up with his girlfriend in March so that is no longer one of the issues). Perhaps the biggest reason I haven't gone for it yet is that I honestly can't tell if he is into me. Take last night for example, he went up to the bar on the roof with his friends, but when I couldn't get up there because of the long line, he left his friends to come back and find me. Also, as we were standing there watching the band, whenever I would move slightly away from him even if it was just to say something to one of my friends, he would watch me to see where I was going. In my opinion, these signs point to the fact that he may be interested in me, but then when we went to leave I got the same hug that my other friends received. What's a girl to think?!?
On a side note, Mr. Emotionally Unavailable e-mailed me this morning to apologize for not getting in touch with me on Friday. He was "having e-mail trouble," which I haven't decided if I believe yet or not. He wants to have lunch this Monday, but I'm not sure what I want (well I know what I want so maybe should is a better term) do. I'm slightly hungover (more dehydrated probably than anything since I only have a headache) with no ibuprofen in the house, which means that I am trying not to think too hard until the headache goes away. Any suggestions on what I should do?!?
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